Subject: Horace. Age unknown. See below for entry.
Dear Diary,
If we’re ever going to be found, dead or alive, I think I should get my thoughts out on paper. I don’t want to be found, all bloodied and dismembered with nothing to show for it. So if you’re identifying me by my dental records, you should at least know how it happened…
So we’re stuck on this island. This rock in the middle of nowhere, with a limited supply of food. Crazy animals running around. And if that’s not bad enough, these ‘Others’ picking us off one by one. And, in the midst of it all, we have a monster made of smoke hovering about. Yeah, I know, sounds crazy but it’s true. Someone didn’t beat me to death for being a nutcase, there really is a monster knocking people over and tarring our lungs.
So the last guy they got was called Locke. A bit of a hermit, actions rather than words. In fact, not many actions, he just sat round the hilariously titled ‘Lake BS‘ meditating or something. He was speared with a weapon, maybe a spear, I don’t know. One of the castaways did it, they’re hiding in our midst but luckily I am compiling a wicked good CSI report so we can nail the guy who killed that crazy bald man. I’m trying to be useful now, after a couple of days sitting on my ass and brushing my glorious hair. I think I’m doing a good job of it anyways. I made it all tidy and colour coded it. In fact I’m taking a break from it right now to write this, so unfortunately you wont get to find out who killed John Locke.
So once we come to a decision, for some inexplicable reason we’re going to lynch the guy. Don’t ask me, it would be easier to put them in a cage until the rescue boat gets here, but nope, kill, kill, kill. We’re better than them though, they did it first.
Oh, and there’s these knitting needles, they’re like a super-defence sort of thing. If you get killed, the person who kills you gets killed too. And some diamonds that make you more influential and you get like +4 respect . And some black and white rocks that destroy stuff. And a teddy bear that makes you swap someone’s item for it. And a fish that eats all your items, like some kind of aquatic goat.
Okay, perhaps I have gone crazy.
I might just end it there, before I lose all my integrity.
Horace out!
